


Encounter

by icedcoffeebro



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Cold War, Cold War - AU, Crack, M/M, Not Serious, Orange is the New Black References, Parody, Soviet Union
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 15:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18758920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedcoffeebro/pseuds/icedcoffeebro
Summary: Anatole receives an unexpected visit from a Mormon missionary.Set during the Cold War.





	Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't take this seriously omg, I wrote it 2 years ago and just found it and was like 'meh, I'll publish it'. It's as ridiculous as it sounds.

Anatole Kuragin was just 20 years old, but he felt his soul was older, way older. He lived in Moscow, the capital of the Soviet Union. His parents were KGB agents, so he never saw them, but it didn't matter much, because he was about to enter vyssheye, he was going to attend the institute to study environmental science, even though his parents wanted him to be like them, to dedicate his life to intelligence. He didn't agree with the way Alexei Kosygin directed the Motherland, so he had no plans of working for anything close to him. If he could, he would leave the USSR, he wanted something else, but he didn't even know what it was he wanted, he just knew there was something missing from his life... 

One cold October day, like most days in Russia because it's close to the North Pole and it's freezing, Anatole was on his room, reading a book by Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina, which was a banned book, but being the son of KGB agents had its perks. He was reading laying on his bed, being hot as usual, which was a contrast to the cold outside. He had to work out on the community gym after finishing the next chapter, his parents made him do the entire KGB routine, he was a straight up hunk. He felt very uncomfortable with the image of Íosif Stalin watching over him while he was shirtless and sweaty, but it was the only place where he could work out. 

As he was about to finish the chapter, there was a knock on the door. He closed the book and waited, it's never safe to open doors without knowing who it is, specially when it's winter and you're the son of KGB agents. He got close to the door, grabbed a club just in case and waited. After 45 seconds a ding dong was audible. He looked through the window carefully, and saw a 5'10, very clean, and clearly American guy, he couldn't be older than 19 years old. He opened the door, with the club behind him, he could take him down easily, he had a good 3 inches on him and was way stronger. As he opened the door, a huge smile formed on the face of the American guy, who started to talk in fluent Russian 

_(idk russian)_  
"Hello! My name is Elder Price! I come from the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, from America" he said, it was clearly a scripted introduction, but he talked so naturally it almost seemed like he had wrote it himself. 

"What do you want?" Anatole replied in English, with a rough Russian accent, even though he could perform over 20 accents, including American. 

The sudden change of language set Price wrong.

"Um," he said, the guy in front of him was intimidating, "I'm from the Mormon church?" he turned to English. 

"Church?" Anatole asked with a hint of mockery in his voice "You must be new here, Karl Marx said religion is the opium of the masses," he laughed, Elder Price was clearly confused, "the only church you'll see here is the Orthodox one. Welcome to Russia! Slava!" 

Elder Price blinked quickly, then shook his head and put his arms to his sides, he was a soldier of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and more importantly, a mormon, and a mormon doesn't just give up, he shares his faith with the world and converts everyone. 

"I got taught that in Mission Training Center, along with Russian, but I believe you've been taught wrong. Heavenly Father has sent me here to teach you the truth you've been denied." Elder Price said. 

"Capitalism?" Anatole rise an eyebrow doubtfully. Elder Price blinks in disbelief. 

"Um, no?" said Price, "Heavenly Father has a plan for everything, and part of that plan was you being born in Moscow."

"I was born in Saint Petersburg" 

"Oh," Elder Price is once again left speechless, "I mean, I'm not bringing you capitalism, I'm bringing you the way into paradise."

That seemed to grab Anatole's attention, he looked from one side to another, all nervous, and as he assured no one was around, he pulled Price into his house. 

"The walls have ears" he said in Russian as he directed a clearly scared Price to the underground bunker in his house. 

"I'm sorry but.... why do you have this?" he said looking around at the canned food and books in different languages, including latin. 

"That's confidential" Anatole replied giving him a death stare. 

"Oh, sorry" Elder Price said, picking up a map showing all of America "um, why are we here?" 

"For you to tell me about taking me wherever you are going" Anatole said in all seriousness. 

"Heaven? Well, you just need to be baptized and..." Elder Price said as he opened the Book of Mormon. 

"No!" Anatole said, slapping Prices copy off his hands, Price looked at him in disbelief, "I know you're going to America," he said, turning to English with a thick Russian accent, "and trust me, this isn't wonderland." 

"Uh, how exactly can I help you?" Elder Price replied as Anatole had a death grip on his arm.

"You take me to America, figure the rest out later" Anatole said.

"But why me?" Elder Price asked. 

"You have diplomatic immunity," Anatole said as he packed his emergency clothes, "don't you?" Elder Price remained silent, "Don't. You?" Anatole asked, now dangerously close to Elder Price's face. 

"Uuuuh, listen sir, i-" 

"Don't call me sir, I'm like, a year older than you" Anatole said, rubbing his temple, "just tell me, are you protected by the United States government?" 

"I only need Christ's protection," Price said, standing tall. Anatole looked at him in disbelief.

"That will have to do," he said giving in, "now, tell me, do you happen to have another one of those ridiculous things you're wearing?"

"Why, yes!" Elder Prices face light up, it had been so long since he had such a long conversation with anyone that wasn't Elder McKinley, who talked about turning off capitalistic desires, and gay thoughts, "My companion left me to get transferred to Wyoming," he continued as he got the clothes out, "he couldn't stand the breath of vodka every Russian seems to have, by the way you don't have it, do you take mints or are you straight edge like us, mor-" 

"Yeah, I'm going to have to shut up you now," Anatole said, "you talk too much." 

"Sorry, the living headquarters are just so boring" Elder Price said, looking down. 

"Whatever," Anatole took off his shirt, which left Price frozen as he stared as his marked six pack, his fellow missionaries always wore the temple attire, so he hadn't seen any naked torsos in six months, maybe longer, he blushed, Anatole rolled his eyes, "yeah, yeah, mad gains, now pass me that god damn shirt" 

Elder Price gasped. "DONT SPEAK OF HEAVENLY FATHER THAT WAY." he said, "I'm sorry Heavenly Father, he didn't mean it." he prayed. 

"Don't say what I mean, pretty boy," Anatole said, which made Price blush even more, "now, can I have the pants too or...." 

"Uh, yeah sure," he said with a high pitched voice as he passed him the black pants.

"Do I need to wear one of those stupid badges too?" Anatole said

"Hm, it'd be ideal" 

He passed him a badge his companion left behind, it read "Elder Cunningham", Anatole was clearly not American and clearly Russian, Price wondered what was going to happen next. 

He didn't quite understand why he was following along with the plan of the guy in front of him 

"I didn't.... I didn't catch your name?" Elder Price said

"I didn't throw it," Anatole looked in his eyes, "it's Anatole, but now I'm whatever this guys name was," Elder Price let out a small laugh, "What?" 

"It's just, his name was Arnold" Elder Price said, "I mean, is, he didn't die." 

"He went to Wyoming, I think that's basically the same," Anatole said, "now, let's get down to business," he rubbed his hands together "what was your name?" 

"It's Kevin," he said.

"Well, let's go Kevin," Anatole said. 

Maybe it was the fact Anatole was so tall and so blonde and so ripped, but Kevin felt drawn to him in ways that made him feel guilty, ways McKinley always warned him about in the form of tap dancing. He wanted to touch Anatole, with his lips, he wanted to kiss him. 

"Do you really think I'm pretty?" he blurted out "Oh gosh, I mean... do you?"

Anatole stared at him for a very long time. 

"You're American," he said, emphasizing the r, "that's it."

"Oh, okay," Kevin said. 

They continued walking on the way to the headquarters in silence, Anatole seemed to be excited, but Kevin couldn't quite understand why. However, he was coming into terms with why he felt excited too.

"Hey Anatole," Kevin said in Russian, "can we stop here? It's getting dark."

"That's why we should keep walking," Anatole said without looking at him, "the bears will still be visible for a good 30 minutes, then we have to blend our scents with them, or they'll attack."

"What?" Kevin said, "Bears?" 

"Yes, I'm assuming you have those in America" 

"We do, you just talk about it as if it was completely normal," Kevin said. Anatole stopped walking and faced him, a hint of angriness on his face. 

"Oh you Americans, so whiney all the time 'Oh! This vodka burns!'" he said in a perfect American accent "'Ah! A bear has attacked me!', 'Oh! Not all countries are capitalist!' Boo-hoo. I'd say a saying, but in Russia we don't have sayings, we have suffering." 

"That's um, nice?" Kevin said, "Anyways, what do you do?"

"Besides try to escape this hell?" Anatole replied, "Well, I want to be an environmental researcher."

"How would America help you with that?" 

"It won't, I just want to get out," he said "your education isn't affordable anyways." 

"I'm going to BYU," Kevin said

"I hope you know I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," Anatole replied. 

Suddenly, Kevin realized what he had to do, so he punched Anatole in the chin. 

Anatole screamed in pain. "What was that for?" he said, rubbing his chin.

"You're too handsome" Kevin blurted out. He immediately covered his mouth. He blushed, Anatole blushed as well. 

"Um, thank you, comrade." Anatole said, obviously uncomfortable. That's when he felt Kevin's lips on his own. He was in shock, but he followed along. This was completely unexpected. Not to mention, if they were caught, they could be thrown into a Gulag. 

With that thought, Anatole pushes Elder Price away, "We can't, comrade Price," he said, head down, "there simply are too many risks."

"Yeah, yeah, right," Price is all flushed and ashamed. How could he be so foolish? "It's only a few more miles to go until we reach the headquarters,"

"'Miles'," Anatole says, scoffing, "any way, American, where is it that we will go when we reach America?"

"Hopefully, Orlando." Price says, a glimmer on his eyes.

And so, they continue their trek.

**Author's Note:**

> Their ending is for you to decide bc I literally don't remember what 2017 me was gonna write ajflkdjgklfdjg.
> 
> Twitter: @rafaelbarbae
> 
> I'm so sorry.


End file.
